How Do You Know What to Text Your Crush Without Making It Weird?
Start with something easy to answer, ask about what they just told you, and suggest a plan before the chat fizzles out. Below: 12 texts sorted by moment, why they work, and what research on first conversations says about how you really come across.
What to text your crush: something easy to answer that ties back to them, like a callback to something they told you or a question about their day. When they reply, ask about their answer instead of changing the subject. A 2017 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology linked follow-up questions to being liked more, including in speed dating. Match their pace, and suggest a plan before the chat fades. And go easy on yourself: five studies published in Psychological Science in 2018 suggest people tend to underestimate how much a new conversation partner liked them.
- Across 5 studies, people guessed that new conversation partners liked them less than they really did. Researchers call it the liking gap (Psychological Science, 2018).
- In a 2017 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study of get-to-know-you chats and speed dates, people who asked more follow-up questions were better liked.
- In a 2017 study by Karen Huang and colleagues, speed daters who asked more follow-ups were more likely to get a yes to a second date.
- The best crush texts are short, specific and about something they said.
- One unanswered text is a cue to wait, not to send three more.
You’ve had their chat open for ten minutes. You typed “hey,” deleted it, typed “heyyy,” deleted that too. It’s your crush, so somehow a three-letter word feels like a job interview.
You don’t need a perfect line. You need a text that sounds like you and is easy to reply to. Below are 12, sorted by moment, plus two studies that might take some pressure off.
Why your crush probably liked that conversation more than you think
Start with a confidence boost backed by data. In a set of five studies published in Psychological Science in 2018, Erica Boothby, Gus Cooney, Gillian Sandstrom and Margaret Clark had people get to know someone new. Afterward, each person rated how much they liked the other one and how much they believed the other one liked them.
On average, people guessed low. The researchers called this the liking gap. It showed up between strangers chatting in a lab, among first-year college students meeting their dorm mates and at a workshop for adults who had never met. For the roommates, it lasted for months.
Video of the lab chats suggested people were missing their partner’s signs of interest and enjoyment. Yale psychologist Margaret Clark, one of the authors, said people were so busy worrying about their own lines that they missed the other person warming up to them.
One caveat: these were face-to-face chats between new acquaintances, not crushes and not texting. So it isn’t proof your crush likes you back, just a good reason to stop replaying that one awkward joke.
“They seem to be too wrapped up in their own worries about what they should say or did say to see signals of others' liking for them”
Margaret S. Clark, Yale University, coauthor of the liking gap study (Association for Psychological Science release)
12 texts to send your crush, sorted by moment
Each of these is short and easy to answer, and most are about them, not you. Pick the one that fits where you two are, then swap in your own details so it sounds like something you’d actually say.
- To start a chat: “Okay, I finally tried that taco place you kept talking about. You were right about the salsa.”
- To start a chat: “Random question: what song have you had on repeat lately?”
- To start a chat: “Just saw a cat riding in a bike basket. You would’ve loved it.”
- To start a chat: “How did the big presentation go? You seemed kind of nervous about it.”
- To keep it going: “Wait, you got lost on a hike in the dark? How did that even happen?”
- To keep it going: “That sounds like a rough week. Is it any better now?”
- To keep it going: “Okay, I need the full story on that.”
- To keep it going: “What got you into climbing in the first place?”
- To show you’re interested: “Not gonna lie, I smile every time your name pops up.”
- To show you’re interested: “This is the most fun I’ve had texting someone in a long time.”
- To meet up: “We should settle the best-coffee debate in person. Saturday morning?”
- To meet up: “There’s trivia at the bar on Main on Thursday. Want to be my teammate?”
Stuck on what to say back to your crush? Paste the chat into Auraliyx and see how each option is likely to land, and why.
Try Auraliyx free →The follow-up question habit (and the study behind it)
Notice that every “keep it going” text above picks up something the other person just said. That’s on purpose. In a 2017 paper in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Karen Huang, Michael Yeomans, Alison Wood Brooks, Julia Minson and Francesca Gino studied get-to-know-you chats online and face-to-face speed dates. Across three studies, the more questions someone asked, the more the other person tended to like them. Follow-ups, the questions that build on what was just said, stood out the most.
In the speed-dating data, people who asked more follow-ups were more likely to get a yes to a second date. The authors tie this to coming across as someone who listens, understands and cares about the answer. They also found that people don’t expect questions to make them more likable, which may be why so many crush chats turn into two people taking turns talking about themselves.
Two cautions. This is a link found in those conversations, not a promise for yours. And nonstop questions start to feel like a quiz, so share a bit of your own story too.
Why it works: The first one drops what they said and starts over. The second picks up their story and asks for more, which shows you were actually listening.
Picking things back up after a gap
Restarting a chat after a week or two of nothing feels harder than it is. Skip the long apology. It puts the focus on your guilt and gives them nothing fun to answer.
Instead, reopen with something specific from your last conversation. A callback says “I remember you” without any big speech, and it lets them jump right back in.
Why it works: It skips the guilt trip, gives them a real question and shows you held onto a detail from your last chat. They can pick up right where you left off.
If the blank chat box is the real problem and you freeze every time, this guide for texters who overthink every word has a simple routine for getting the first message out.
How do you go from texting to actually hanging out?
Texting can keep a crush going for weeks without anything happening. A specific plan does more than another clever message. Tie it to something from your chat, name a day, and keep it low-key, so yes feels easy and no doesn’t feel like a big deal.
Busy but offering another day? Good sign. Busy with no other day? Leave the door open once (“No worries, the offer stands”) and let them come to you.
For more ways to word the invite, these examples for asking someone out by text cover different situations. And if the first hangout is nice but not fireworks, don’t write it off yet: a slow start can still turn into something.
Why it works: “Sometime” leaves all the work to them. A day, a place and a reason from your own chat make it easy to say yes, or to suggest a different day.
Signs to slow down, and what not to send
Interest usually shows up as effort: they ask you things and sometimes text first. If every reply is one word and they never ask anything back, ease off and let them meet you halfway.
One unanswered text is not a reason to send three more. A short, warm message with no pressure is the most you need, and it leaves things on a good note either way.
- Long paragraphs early on. A wall of text in answer to a two-line reply feels like a lot.
- Mind games. Leaving them on read on purpose turns it into a contest.
- Guilt. “I guess you’re busy” makes them defend themselves instead of wanting to reply.
- A confession out of nowhere. If you’ve barely talked, a big feelings text puts them on the spot.
Why it works: The first one puts them on trial. The second leaves a warm last word and no pressure, which is easy to answer when they’re ready and fine to leave if they’re not.
Already talking and it feels mutual, but scared to say how you feel? We looked at what research says about the regret of never saying it. If your crush is a guy and you’re past the first few chats, these small texts to brighten his day are worth a look.
Sources we checked
- ScienceDaily (Association for Psychological Science): You probably made a better first impression than you think (September 11, 2018)
- Psychological Science (Boothby, Cooney, Sandstrom and Clark), Crossref record: The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do People Like Us More Than We Think? (September 5, 2018)
- Harvard Kennedy School (Huang, Yeomans, Brooks, Minson and Gino): It Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Question-Asking Increases Liking (2017)
We open and read every source before we cite it. Spotted an error? Email humansupport@auraliyx.com and we will fix it.
Written by
Auraliyx is an AI relationship coach trained only on attraction, dating and relationships. Every article is built from sources we open and read, every number is checked against the original, and the Auraliyx team reviews it and corrects anything we get wrong.
Frequently asked questions
What should I text my crush first?
Something specific and easy to answer: a callback to something they told you, or a light question about their day or plans. A specific opener gives them something to reply to, while a bare “hey” leaves all the work to them.
How do I keep a conversation going with my crush over text?
Ask a follow-up about what they just said, then share a bit of your own answer. In a 2017 study by Karen Huang and colleagues, people who asked more follow-up questions in get-to-know-you chats and speed dates were better liked.
How often should I text my crush?
There’s no magic number. Roughly match their pace, and don’t stack texts while the last one is unanswered.
Is it okay to double text my crush?
One friendly follow-up after a day or two of silence is usually fine. If that one also goes unanswered, give them space.
How can I tell if my crush likes me over text?
Look for effort: they ask you questions, sometimes text first and say yes to plans or suggest another day. One-word replies and no questions back usually point to low interest.
Should I tell my crush I like them over text?
It can work if you’ve already been talking and it feels mutual. Keep it short and low-pressure, and give them room to answer honestly, without expecting an instant reply.
Does my crush like me more than I think?
Possibly. In five studies published in Psychological Science in 2018, people tended to underestimate how much new conversation partners liked them. It’s a general pattern from face-to-face chats, not proof about one person.
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